Our top ten Christmas crackers to make you groan

If you can’t do cheesy gags at Christmas, when can you?

Here’s our list of unashamedly bad (yet sometimes gloriously good) Christmas jokes. We’re sorry. We just couldn’t elf it.


Why didn’t the coconuts go to the Christmas ballet?

Because they were scared of the nutcracker.


Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?

A mince spy.


What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?

A rebel without a Claus.


Why don’t you ever see Father Christmas in hospital?

Because he has private elf care.


How do you know if Santa’s been in your garden shed?

You’ve got three extra hoes.


How do you know Santa’s real?

He’s from the grotto.


What did the snowflake say to the fallen leaf?

You are so last season.


What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?

The Christmas alphabet has Noel.


What did the snowman say to the aggressive carrot?

“Get out of my face.”


Why is The Great British Bake-Off like the nativity?

Because the Star is in the Yeast.

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